Western honey bee
Western honey bee. marcociannarel via depositphotos
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You probably don’t savor the agony of a well-stubbed toe, but pain is a boon. Stings teach us to avoid similar dust-ups in the future, but entomologist Justin Schmidt refuses to heed the warnings. He’s been poked at least 1,000 times in the name of the Schmidt Sting Pain Index, a scale that objectifies the intensity of our boo-boos, so he’s got a somme­lier’s palate for pain. Here’s a taste of some of his most delectable entries.

Pain Level 1

Sweat Bees: “Light and ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.”

Little Wasp: “Sharp meets spice. A slender cactus spine brushed a buffalo wing before it poked your arm.”

Indian Jumping Ant: “Ah, that wonderful wake-up feeling, like coffee but oh so bitter.”

Pain Level 2

Western Honey Bee: “A flaming match head lands on your arm and is quenched first with lye and then sulfuric acid.”

Yellow Jacket: “Hot and smoky, ­almost irreverent. Imagine W.C. Fields ­extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.”

Honey Wasp: Spicy, ­blistering. A cotton swab dipped in ­habanero sauce has been pushed up your nose.”

Pain Level 3

Red-headed Paper Wasp: “Immediate, irrationally intense, and ­unrelenting…the closest you will come to seeing the blue of a flame from within the fire.”

Red Paper Wasp: “Caustic and burning, with a distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.”

Florida Harvester Ant: “Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a power drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.”

Pain Level 4

Tarantula Hawk: “Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair dryer has just been dropped into your bubble bath.”

Bullet Ant: “Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like walking over flaming charcoal with a [3-inch-nail] embedded in your heel.”

Warrior Wasp: Torture. You are chained in the flow of an active volcano. Why did I start this list?”

This article was originally published in the Winter 2018 Danger issue of Popular Science.

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