Eleven presents only ’90s kids will get

I like big gifts and I cannot lie.

a student listens to music on a cd player
Somebody get this poor loser some Hit Clips.DepositPhotos

Buying the token ’90s child in your life a Discman this holiday season would be most excellent—but also semi impractical. We rounded up a few alternative ideas instead.

A baseball cap

A hat that’s All That

Fresh out the box! Stop, look, and watch! Ready yet? Get set!Amazon

Now this is just an introduction before I blow your mind. $13 on Amazon.

a box

The Nick Box

Put another nickel in.Nick Box

The Nick Box is a subscription service that just dumps a bunch of Nickelodeon nostalgia right at your front door. A planter that looks like Gerald from “Hey Arnold”? Yes. A vinyl toy in the shape of one of those classic TMNT popsicles? Quite. Pete’s hat? You know it. To get more Nickelodeon-y, you’d have to slime your friends. $50 per box.

a sick sad world t-shirt

Sick, Sad World

What, like you'd get them a "Poor, Pathetic Planet" shirt?RedBubble

Can monkeys surf the net ... and corrupt our kids? Chimpanzee chatrooms, next on “Sick, Sad World.” $27 on RedBubble.

a pack of cards

Cards Against Humanity: 90s Nostalgia Pack

A party game for terrible millennials.Cards against humanity

It’s too sexy for its shirt, allegedly. We believe it. $8 on Amazon.

a choker necklace

The greatest jewelry trend of all time

Hella good.Amazon

Thank goodness these came back into fashion. I mean, really. But gone are the days when you must beg mom and dad to indulge your choker needs at Claire’s. Get 24 tattoo chokers in assorted colors for one price. $16 on Amazon.

a pile of slap bracelets

The worst jewelry trend of all time

Hours of mediocre entertainment. HOURS.Amazon

Have a slappy New Year. $12 for 72 bracelets on Amazon.

a hoodie with the solo jazz cup pattern

Dress them up as a paper cup

Do I feel a jazz solo coming on?Etsy

We could wax poetic about The Solo Jazz pattern, an iconic design created by the Sweetheart Cup Company in 1991. Now you can look like a free cup you got at Taco Bell. At long last. $26 on Amazon.

a container full of ring pops

Put 40 rings on it

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.Amazon

This bucket has 40 Ring Pops inside, which means you and three friends are all set to have the best day ever. $19 on Amazon.

a reptar pouch

Reptar Bar pouch

Green skin, blue spikes, with a really big roar.ThinkGeek

“A Reptar bar is chocolate, and nuts, and caramel and green stuff and it’s swirled and stirred and rippled and beaten and sweetened, and sweetened til you can’t stop eatin'. The superest, the duperest, the double chocolate scoop-erest, the meanest, the best, it’s better than the rest. Reptar Bar, Reptar Bar, the candy bar supreme, the candy bar that turns your tongue green!” (Note: this isn’t actually a Reptar Bar.) $40 on Amazon.

a giant inflatable reptar


When a little zip-up pouch is not enoughAmazon

This inflatable dinosaur costume is just screaming to go on ice. $60 on Amazon.

a legends of the hidden temple shirt

A shirt to guide you through hard times

Climb the steps of knowledge.Look Human

This shirt references the classic Nick show “Legends of the Hidden Temple,” which was your friend’s favorite way to watch people put together a dang monkey. $24 on Look Human.