Eleven presents only ’90s kids will get

I like big gifts and I cannot lie.

Buying the token ’90s child in your life a Discman this holiday season would be most excellent—but also semi impractical. We rounded up a few alternative ideas instead.

A hat that’s All That

Fresh out the box! Stop, look, and watch! Ready yet? Get set! Amazon

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Now this is just an introduction before I blow your mind. $13 on Amazon.

The Nick Box

Put another nickel in. Nick Box

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The Nick Box is a subscription service that just dumps a bunch of Nickelodeon nostalgia right at your front door. A planter that looks like Gerald from “Hey Arnold”? Yes. A vinyl toy in the shape of one of those classic TMNT popsicles? Quite. Pete’s hat? You know it. To get more Nickelodeon-y, you’d have to slime your friends. $50 per box.

Sick, Sad World

What, like you’d get them a ‘Poor, Pathetic Planet’ shirt? RedBubble

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Can monkeys surf the net … and corrupt our kids? Chimpanzee chatrooms, next on “Sick, Sad World.” $27 on RedBubble.

Cards Against Humanity: 90s Nostalgia Pack

A party game for terrible millennials. Cards against humanity

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It’s too sexy for its shirt, allegedly. We believe it. $8 on Amazon.

The greatest jewelry trend of all time

Hella good. Amazon

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Thank goodness these came back into fashion. I mean, really. But gone are the days when you must beg mom and dad to indulge your choker needs at Claire’s. Get 24 tattoo chokers in assorted colors for one price. $16 on Amazon.

The worst jewelry trend of all time

Hours of mediocre entertainment. HOURS. Amazon

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Have a slappy New Year. $12 for 72 bracelets on Amazon.

Dress them up as a paper cup

Do I feel a jazz solo coming on? Etsy

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We could wax poetic about The Solo Jazz pattern, an iconic design created by the Sweetheart Cup Company in 1991. Now you can look like a free cup you got at Taco Bell. At long last. $26 on Amazon.

Put 40 rings on it

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Amazon

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This bucket has 40 Ring Pops inside, which means you and three friends are all set to have the best day ever. $19 on Amazon.

Reptar Bar pouch

Green skin, blue spikes, with a really big roar. ThinkGeek

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“A Reptar bar is chocolate, and nuts, and caramel and green stuff and it’s swirled and stirred and rippled and beaten and sweetened, and sweetened til you can’t stop eatin’. The superest, the duperest, the double chocolate scoop-erest, the meanest, the best, it’s better than the rest. Reptar Bar, Reptar Bar, the candy bar supreme, the candy bar that turns your tongue green!” (Note: this isn’t actually a Reptar Bar.) $40 on Amazon.

REPTAR!!!

When a little zip-up pouch is not enough Amazon

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This inflatable dinosaur costume is just screaming to go on ice. $60 on Amazon.

A shirt to guide you through hard times

Climb the steps of knowledge. Look Human

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This shirt references the classic Nick show “Legends of the Hidden Temple,” which was your friend’s favorite way to watch people put together a dang monkey. $24 on Look Human.

Rachel Feltman

Rachel FeltmanRachel Feltman is the Executive Editor of Popular Science and the host of the podcast The Weirdest Thing I Learned This Week. She's an alum of Simon's Rock and NYU's Science, Health, and Environmental Reporting program. Rachel previously worked at Quartz and The Washington Post. Contact the author here.