Apparently the end of the world is nigh, thanks to those jerks at Nintendo and their world-domination plot-turned-app Pokémon Go. As millions of users have signed up (some of whom have been able to play despite server issues) the game has been blamed for real-world consequences that stretch well beyond the game’s actual players.
The game is, after all, in the hands of millions of people just a week after its launch. Different reports have put Pokémon Go ahead of users for Tinder and other popular apps.
Sore legs
So far the game, which requires players to explore the real world around them to find virtual Pokémon, has been accused of creating an outbreak of “exercise” and vitamin D levels are on the rise. Total chaos.
Kidding aside, there are bigger concerns than better calf muscles now that so many people are wandering outside away from computers like it’s the 1980s all over again. Things have reportedly gotten out of hand Black Friday style…
Physical violence
Employees slacking at work
And offices are quickly cracking down on Poké-usage. At least, they’re trying…
But aside from reports of your run-of-the mill bad decision making by enthusiastic players, Pokémon Go is also associated with some unfortunate events, like children wandering across dead bodies…
Discovering a dead body
Because the game requires players to wander around to “search” for Pokémon, people are going where perhaps they shouldn’t be, like the girl who stumbled across a dead body. It used to be that you and your friends had to go on a camping adventure a la Stand By Me to find a dead body, but now apparently you can find one alongside a Magikarp.
Armed robbery
And the most brilliant of criminal minds appear to be taking advantage of Go’s publicly listed gyms, for late-night armed robbery.
Traffic accidents
It seems the thing we should blame Pokémon Go for most is the total loss of common sense: Even though the game reminds everyone not to wander into traffic looking for a Squirtle, some people are likely dumb enough to do just that.
Mind you, the internet rumors of a massive pile-up caused by a wandering Pokémon trainer were false, but that doesn’t mean that that couldn’t happen. (Gizmodo is kind of obsessed with Pokémon Go—we’re assuming all the gyms in their proximity are spoken for).
Can we all just try and enjoy the game without being idiots for a while? Let’s just get through the summer without a report of some kid (or adult for that matter) drowning in a river because they were trying to find a higher CP Magikarp. You can have mine, as soon as Nintendo lets us trade…
