The Consumer Electronics Show is home to the technology of the future, the stuff we’ll be using tomorrow, here today. But with so many companies all vying for precious attention, it’s also home to acid-fueled techno-horrors out of some terrible, warped, tragicomic sci-fi novel.
We’ve gathered those here! Enjoy.
What says “future of consumer electronics” quite like a set of breakdancing taxidermied squirrels? Nothing. Put some motors in these things and have them Gangnam Style for Scion commercials.
This had signs nearby advertising both weight loss and back pain relief but also a chart that showed genealogies of butt-shaking (???). We’re just going to call it a cyborg twerking machine.
A Giant Washing Machine
This is what God uses when he spills ambrosia all over his nice white robe.
NBA Flash Drives
Attention sports fans: With Adata’s NBA licensed flash drives, you can carry your files around in the limbless, headless torso of your favorite player.
Subtle? No. But you know what else isn’t subtle? The unfettered hordes of the zombie apocalypse. That’s what, cowboy.
This is a 1980s-inspired phone that connects to your smartphone. Because the best things about the ’80s were the technology and the design sensibility. It presumably can only ring with Van Halen.
When we happened upon this row of animatronic animals, they were grooving and lip syncing to “Love Shack.” Thank God they’re all bipedal mutants or that would’ve been weird.
There was a hookah. “A high-tech hookah?” you ask, exhausted. Nope.