Gifts for people with terrible quarantine hair
Accessories to hide any ill-fated trims or dye jobs.
One thing we can all agree on is that this year has been strange. And in trying to cope while riding the emotional rollercoaster of the COVID-19 pandemic (not to mention the 2020 election), some of us have made some mistakes. Many of those mistakes have had to do with our hair.
Maybe it was a failed attempt at DIY bangs, or an at-home buzzcut. Perhaps you wanted to play it safe with a simple drugstore hair-dye kit, but you just didn’t nail it. Or maybe you thought a YouTube video would provide all the guidance you needed to trim off your dead ends, but you ended up with a pixie cut instead.
It’s ok. Hair grows back. In the meantime, here are some gifts to hide your shame.
A baseball cap
Classic Adjustable Plain Hat ($8.99)
The more neutral, the better. Amazon
Let’s start with a classic. Baseball caps are ubiquitous and easy to wear with any outfit. The bad news is that regular baseball caps don’t cover your entire head, so if your hair is anything longer than a bob, they’ll only partially hide your mishap.
A classic beanie
Carhartt Acrylic Watch Hat A18 ($16.99)
Everybody has one of these, so if all you want is to blend in, this is a perfect way to start. Amazon
If you decided you wanted to look like Carey Mulligan but chickened out halfway there, then it’s clear you’re dealing with a major hair screw-up. Don’t worry, though—that’s what beanies are for. These knitted caps can cover all or part of your hair depending on how you wear them, and unlike sunglasses, beanies are the kind of garment you can keep on indoors without looking like a weirdo. Plus, a thick beanie will keep your ears warm and cozy as you try to extend the outdoor dining season into December.
A beanie you can make on your own
We Are Knitters’ Knitting kit ($30.80)
Courage will come. You just wait. We Are Knitters
Gathering up the courage to face the world with fugly hair takes time. While you’re at it, prepare to face the cruel world by knitting yourself a beanie. Don’t worry—We Are Knitters has beginner kits that come with everything you need to cover your head, including yarn, needles, and easy-to-follow instructions. Just choose your favorite style and color, and you’ll be ready to go. If you’re a guy who thinks he can’t wear a beanie modeled by a woman, they have hats for men, too. Also, it’s 2020—get a grip.
Laulhere Heritage Classiques Authentique Traditional French Wool Beret ($59.99)
A beret, an extra pocket—what’s the difference? Amazon
If you’ve got long hair, a regular beanie might not cut it. If that’s the case, you can hide your mistake in a beret. Just roll up your locks in a ponytail or a bun. Now you’re ready to head into the world with confidence.
Pastel wavy wig with air bangs ($20.69)
This is the perfect excuse to build that wig closet you’ve always dreamed about. Amazon
A wig is a no brainer if you want to hide that capilar faux-pas from the world. The real question is what kind of wig you want to go for, as the possibilities are endless. You can choose something nice but understated, or, if you’re feeling adventurous, you can always go for a totally different color than you’re used to. You can also go for a baseball cap + extensions combo to create a casual Sunday brunch kind of look. You see? Endless.
A mask—no, not that kind of mask
Palamon Rick & Morty Morty Adult Mask ($14.08)
You can wear your other mask—the important one—underneath. Amazon
It’s actually funny how the word “mask” has acquired a totally new meaning in the past 10 months. But we’re obviously talking about the pre-2020 meaning of face mask—the good ol’ Halloween latex standard. Now, for this to help out with your possibly dire hair situation, it has to be a full-on head mask. You can go for this one of Morty, from Rick and Morty (who clearly has hair problems of his own), this one of an old man, or even something shinier that comes with its own hair. As with wigs, you have a lot of options.
A Daft Punk helmet
Daft Shining Punk Helmet ($119)
Probably the coolest option. Amazon
You can go for a Madalorian helmet, or a Captain America head piece, but wearing one of the helmets of French electronic duo Daft Punk is just cooler. Start looking at that bad haircut as the opportunity you’ve been waiting for to rock one of these.
A skull cap
Nike Pro Hypercool Vapor Skull Cap 4.0 ($24.95)
It prevents you from falling victim to frostbite and awkward political conversations. Amazon
Maybe you thought shaving your head would right all your hairy wrongs. But after ten seconds of looking straight at your scalp in the mirror for the very first time, you realized you made a huge mistake. Now, you don’t only have a style problem—winter is coming and your head is naked. A beanie might make your skin itch, so you may want to lean toward a skull cap. It’ll protect your bald head from the elements, and you can even get one that covers your ears and has little openings for your glasses.
A bike helmet
Thousand Adult Bike Helmet ($89)
If you need to hide it, that haircut is probably worse than helmet hair. Amazon
Depending on where you live, it might still be nice enough outside to go for a bike ride. Or at least that’s what you can say to people when they ask you why you are wearing a helmet indoors. A nice, sturdy cap can be a great accessory, make you look active, and protect your noggin when you do decide to hop on a bike. Think about the hiding of your bad hair as a great side effect of protecting your beautiful brain. It’s a win-win situation.