North Korea Has Found The Cure For AIDS, Ebola, Cancer, And Bird Flu

It’s a miracle! Just kidding, it’s propaganda.

Great news, guys. A company in North Korea has developed a cure for everything.

North Korea’s state-run news agency is reporting that Kumdang-2, a type of ginseng grown in “rare-earth molecular fertilizer” can “prevent different malignant epidemics.” The story was picked up in South Korea, which is currently experiencing a deadly outbreak of MERS (Middle East Respiratory Syndrome), which the makers of Kumdang-2 claim it can cure.

According to this website, just a simple injection of this compound can cure this vast array of diseases:

  • Allergic skin diseases, Ambustion, Chilblain, Engorgement
  • Cosmetic Effects
  • Diabetes
  • Different kinds of inflammation, Fevers of unknown reasons, Loss of appetite
  • Disorders before and after child-delivery
  • Drug Addiction
  • Epidemic diseases including Bird Flu and New Flu, AIDS
  • Gastric hemorrhage, Stomach cramp, Diseases of large and small intestines
  • Heart Diseases, Arthritis
  • Hypotension, Impotence
  • Infection, adhesion and scar after medical operation
  • Liver disorders caused by alcohol
  • Malignant influenza and other kinds of cold
  • Medicinal poisoning, Harm from use of computers, Stomatitis
  • Neuralgia, Neurosis, Debility, Insomnia
  • Pancreatitis, Poisoning by perished food, Thyroid Diseases
  • Polyps, Myalgia, Vegetative Neurosis
  • Spontaneous Gangrene, Epilepsy
  • Sterility caused by undergrowth, Menstrual disorders, Cystitis
  • Stimulant to children’s growth, Anti-radioactive
  • Treatment Hepatitis А, В, C, D, E, G
  • Tuberculosis (ТВ), Uterine and other intestinal hemorrhages
  • Various cancers
  • Venereal diseases, Resistance to aging

Afraid of needles? Not a problem! Injecting this drug doesn’t even hurt. And it has NO ADVERSE SIDE EFFECTS! That is, unless you think getting rid of wrinkles and acne is a bad thing:

Hopefully we’ve made it clear that we are being 100% sarcastic. We couldn’t find any peer-reviewed studies from this team of so-called scientists, but there are bigger reasons to be skeptical. If a drug ever claims to cure a bunch of illnesses that are completely unrelated, your bulls**t detector should be blaring. It sucks, but a real-life wonder drug is probably never going to happen.

But wait, North Korea would never lie to us … right?

[Via the Guardian]