Machine That Makes You Mingle Before Coffee Is An Introvert Torture Device

Oh, no.

Good morning! Have you enjoyed a cup of caffeine yet? No? Then perhaps you would prefer not interacting with people, lest your office turn into the set of a _Maxine _cartoon or something.

But what if I told you: interact with someone, or coffee will be withheld from you. Great idea, right? Surely this would serve to facilitate human interaction and not result in two bumbling messes chit-chatting awkwardly about the weather while they wait for a paper cup of ambrosia.

This is apparently a real idea created by Singapore’s Economic Development Board (EDB). With this dystopian torture device, two people input their names, then stand there and wait for coffee dispersal. From EDB:

Oh, my. Just chain two people to the same desk chair. Please, don’t do this.