Machine That Makes You Mingle Before Coffee Is An Introvert Torture Device

Oh, no.

Good morning! Have you enjoyed a cup of caffeine yet? No? Then perhaps you would prefer not interacting with people, lest your office turn into the set of a _Maxine _cartoon or something.

But what if I told you: interact with someone, or coffee will be withheld from you. Great idea, right? Surely this would serve to facilitate human interaction and not result in two bumbling messes chit-chatting awkwardly about the weather while they wait for a paper cup of ambrosia.

This is apparently a real idea created by Singapore's Economic Development Board (EDB). With this dystopian torture device, two people input their names, then stand there and wait for coffee dispersal. From EDB:

"Let's grab coffee" often means more than just coffee. It signifies the start to relationships, opportunities and business decisions. In Asia, Singapore often facilitates connections between companies and successful business ventures with a wealth of resources. Our machine, the Coffee Connector, is this symbolic idea brought to life.

Oh, my. Just chain two people to the same desk chair. Please, don't do this.