The British telecom regulator, Ofcom, released its most recent technology research report last week—a research project that tries to project where various trends will take us in the next ten or twenty years.

What’s left of the General Tso’s chicken is on the coffee table. The sauce that eluded my mouth is congealing on my T-shirt. American Idol just started. And Megan, my fiancée of three days, is getting ready to swab the inside of my mouth with Q-Tips that are nearly as long as chopsticks. “OK, open that mouth,” she says. “Wider.” She is a doctor. I do as I’m told. “You know, these look like little Pap-smear brushes,” she muses. My mouth snaps closed. “C’mon, open up,” she says. I stall.