Attention Original Recipe-Loving Aliens
KFC to be earth's first brand name visible from space
Sometimes at night, scientists stare out at the vast universe, and they wonder what’s out there. They wonder if it’s wondering about us. They wonder if whatever’s out there is, at that very moment, looking down and marveling at the Great Wall of China or the glimmering lights of our magnificent cities. Or the giant faces of our fast-food mascots.
After many months of secrecy and hiding enormous tiles behind its back whenever anyone walked in the room, KFC revealed an 87,500-square-foot smiling mug of Colonel Sanders yesterday, installed in the Nevada desert near Area 51 (of course). The icon has earned KFC the distinction of being the world’s first brand to be visible from space, made possible by some 50 designers, architects, engineers and astrophysicists who surprisingly didn’t have more pressing tasks to attend to.
What propels such a colossal and noble undertaking? KFC president Gregg Dedrick explained his motive thusly: “If there are extraterrestrials in outer space, KFC wants to become their restaurant of choice.” He continued, somewhat less coherently, “For now, we’ll be very content satisfying the entire human population with our ‘finger lickin’ good’ chicken. Besides, who knows if extraterrestrials even have fingers? If we hear back from a life-form in space today—whether NASA astronauts or a signal from some life-form on Mars—we’ll send up some Original Recipe chicken.”
We salute your pioneering ways, Dedrick. Oh, did we mention that unlike some beings, we actually do have fingers? And love Original Recipe? Just sayin’—don’t forget to save some for us. —Abby Seiff