As the Zune, Microsoft’s ham-handed entry into the handheld media arena, nears the lowly peak of its popularity, we’ve been wondering: Why is it that the thing fails to please? Is it the incompatibility of our iTunes-purchased music? The fact that the wireless peer-to-peer feature erases shared media after three short days? Perhaps it’s the unattractive shade of brown that some self-important design studio convinced Microsoft would outshine the iPod?
Or is it the name? Neither masculine nor feminine, active nor passive, verb nor noun, the coinage “Zune” achieves a mystical feat. It sounds historical, it’s easily memorized, and it’s utterly undignified. Hebrew-speakers may even recognize its aural similarity to a certain unholy curse word.
So perhaps it’s appropriate that it be the moniker slapped on the year’s most disappointing product. We’re thinking “zune” could become the year’s next nonsensical Gen-Y slang word [think “huck” (verb) or “bunk” (adjective)]. Without further ado, then, our Letterman-style Top 10 list of ways to make better use of the word “zune.” —Jake Ward
10. Yo, don’t zune that spliff, man. Pass it arrrround.
9. That’s when I told my boss to go zune himself.
8. No matter how much cream I apply, my zunes just won’t go away.
7. It’s not the way the suit is cut—it’s the way the fabric zunes against my skin.
6. Listen, pal, in a few keystrokes I could zune your credit history to the point where you couldn’t buy a sandwich.
5. I tried to hit that 780-twist off the halfpipe, but I, like, totally zuned the landing.
4. Uh-huh—that hot girl in the red dress over there? I zuned her.
3. I said what? Well, you know, I was pretty zuned at the holiday office party.
2. I think I just zuned in my mouth a little bit.
1. I was trying to jump over that parking meter, but I zuned myself in the Wii.