Terror Eyes Bird Repeller: Photo by Bird-X.com

The Brits are murdering pigeons. Unable to prevent the pests from pooping on the stuffy spectators and sweater-vested tennis players at the All-England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club (aka Wimbledon), officials have hired marksmen and instructed them to shoot to kill. Previous attempts to control the pigeons by releasing hawks were unsuccessful. PETA argues that shooting the birds is "cruel and illegal."

"The hawks are our first line of deterrent, and by and large they do the job," Wimbledon spokesman Johnny Perkins said. "But unfortunately there were one or two areas where the hawks didn't deter the pigeons, so it was deemed necessary to take a harder approach."

Leaving the ethics of exterminating flying rodents to the experts, I offer our neighbors several pigeon-elimination options that do not require live ammunition. Here is the current state of the art:

• Traditional bird spikes in both stainless steel and plastic. For eight bucks they even include the adhesive. This'll keep them from camping out but likely won't deter a fly-by during the finals.
• A high-tech scarecrow, the Terror Eyes bird repeller (above) is intended to "strike fear in birds" with a spooky-looking face on an inflatable balloon. The eyes have a holographic effect that makes the birds think the balloon is watching them. Are birds really that perceptive?

Ultrasonic Bird Repeller: Photo by Bird-X.com
• Ultrasonic machines for the bargain price of $795 claim to rid 10,000 square feet of the pests by emitting ultrasonic sounds that annoy birds but go unheard by the human ear. Not a bad option for the entire city of New York.
• Normal (unpopped) popcorn is left out to lure the animals, before swapping it out with a poison-laced version that disorients some pigeons and kills others. The risk associated with dropping a tainted kernel in some kid's popcorn by mistake calls into question the usefulness of this solution.
• The Bird Buffer System is a massive aerosol generator that spits out a repellent haze. Once a pigeon flies through the mist it will avoid the area forever after. Whether fans will do the same would require preliminary testing during mixed doubles.
• A pulsating strobe light emitting red, white, and blue light gives marauding pigeons a nasty case of disco fever. Apparently it's best for indoor dark locations. With no night matches, this is probably not the best option.

While I can't vouch for the efficacy of these methods, I'm confident that some combination of the above might avoid the overkill associated with using a rifle, while ensuring that spectators find no unwanted surprises dropping into their traditional strawberries and cream.

[Via ESPN]