
I’m a sucker for The Onion, especially when it picks on nerds. This week, robot fraternity hazing makes the front page. According to the article, three robots—a biped, a hexapod and one with treads—were kidnapped from their recharge cradles by human fraternity members and forced to perform dangerous and repetitive tasks. “The third robot, a tread-driven 38-inch-tall rover, is feared drowned after being forced to consume over 40 terabytes of data and then swim across the Charles River with a burning candle stuck in its rear port.” If convicted of first-degree botslaughter, the perpetrators face a maximum penalty of life banishment from the MIT Media Lab. —Martha Harbison

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The 6th annual Invention Awards are here, from an inflatable tourniquet to a better lobster trap to spring-loaded hocket skates. This issue is all about the celebration of invention.
Plus: Making synthetic biology breakthroughs in a garage, building a constantly-moving ping-pong table, and a ridiculously overpowered barbecue.