A church sits across the street from one of my previous apartments in Manhattan. In the evenings, I’d see a passel of people emerge from it for a spell of sidewalk chitchat, smoking, and coffee-slurping. I didn’t need a formal investigation to realize that these were adjourned Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. But now such a study has actually been done to confirm the legendary caffeine-and-cigarette culture of AA as a whole. It’s true: Twelve-steppers aren’t saying “Easy Does It” with these lesser vices.
The peer-reviewed study, which was conducted by addiction researchers at Nashville’s Vanderbilt University and announced today, “discovered” two main things after surveying the habits of 289 AA attendees. First, they use coffee and cigarettes in high proportions—88.5 percent and 56.9 percent, respectively. (Among the general U.S. population, 57 percent of adults drink coffee daily, while just 21 percent smoke.) Secondly, and even less surprisingly, AA attendees said that they drink coffee for its pep and smoke because it soothes irritability.
Yet scientists still don’t know if drinking coffee and smoking makes it easier or harder to stay off the sauce. The next step, says psychologist and pharmacologist Peter R. Martin, the study’s lead author, is more “detailed analyses of results to examine whether these changes in coffee and cigarette use are predictive of recovery from alcoholism per se.” As they say—First Things First.
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AA members may benefit from another soothing drink. Face grease. By kissing other people, they 'drink' a tiny amount of the kissee's face grease. It turns out that the stuff has 700 + chemicals in it that look exactly like butterfly pheromones.
Of course, getting too much of the wrong body grease may be even more addictive than alcohol, resulting in sexual addiction.
The best grease to kiss up to? Father pheromone. Older men have the aces on that, and merely by wiping it off onto chewing gum and giving the gum to the AA member, some solace can be gained. Unfortunately, the pheromone is not enough by itself to cure alcoholism outright, but some say that it does cure at least some common forms of drug addiction. Moreover runaways benefit as do the toughest young delinquents. 150 mg p.o. seems curative. Grades rise, ambition re-kindles. It takes about 15 pieces of 'father pheromone gum' collected over three or more days to do the trick.
Gross! or amazing! ???
What is your source for this research done on the efficacy of "Geezer-grease gum"?
Mic F
www.FunExhibits.com