Are You There Aliens? It's Me, Earth

Have your people contact my people and we can do lunch?

See you at the Superbowl this year!

You are cordially invited to attend and participate in the first intergalactic Olympics to be held in the low gravity environment of the planet Mars in 2052. Please R.S.V.P. posthaste for the best seating and accommodations. Remember your Visa/Mastercard.

My dad can beat up your dad.

Could I have directory assistance, please? I'm trying to reach Elvis Presley.

When you get here, drive American.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?

Has The Six Million Dollar Man gone into reruns there yet?

It appears from our records that your digital satellite bill is past due, please remit payment as provided in your contract from the broadcast of the 1938 Olympics.

Tastes great, or Less filling?

Did Your kids have their Flinstone's vitamin today?

Just up for sale! Never before offered, once in a lifetime chance to own this wonderful bridge in the New York borough of Brooklyn. Excellent earnings potential for motivated buyer.

Our Sun is better than your Sun.

Watch it, buddy. I got my eye on you.

You know, it's impolite to eavesdrop...

Your Intergalactic Travel permit is hereby rescinded. Reason(s) Littering at or around the environs of Roswell, NM.

People of planet Gliese 581b:

We have just learned that life exists on your planet. We will arrive shortly after you receive this message to kill everybody.

Kind regards:
Earth.

Hey Gliese 581b,
Can I have a bailout for my student loans? My government wont give me one.

I've sent this message:
110010010000111111011010101000100010000101101000110000100011010011000100110001100110001010001011100000001101110000011100110100010010100100000010010011100000100010
Can anyone guess what it means without using Google?

Hey what happen man? I called but u didn't answer, get back at me asap.

There are no aliens fox. You can find aliens in films and books only.
dordor77@netvision.net.il

did you kno if you have five dollars and chuck norris has five dollars chuck norris has more money then you?

I would like to submit a no tax free psychedelic drug trade pact with you. Come over and take a rip some time dudes. Wait what was I toking about? Ummm have you found the key to peace love and happiness?

I can't decide which one to use:

“… I’m going to be really pissed if this message is picked up by some pre-teen alien listening in on his home-made ham-radio. Kid, tell your alien father wassup for me. Peace.”

“We are preparing to invade your planet. Be warned. All must be assimilated.”

“IS this thing on…. Hello? Is someone there?”

“I think it’s amazing that you are 20 light years away and you know how to read English. Kudos.”

Hey, what are you doing tonight?

@ laci272: I'm guessing that's binary for ASCII text. I don't feel like deciphering it. I don't think aliens would either.

greetings, follow me on facebook and twitter
twitter.com/xxx
facebook.com/xxx

if you can read this, you're and intelligent life form!
CONGRATULATIONS :D <-bad sideways representation of human face

Please come save me and take me with you!!!! Our government is ruining our country and way of life!!!!! HURRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you guys invented robots and laser guns yet? Because we really want robots and laser guns.

Please do not run, we are your friends. Nub nub nub.

We were able to detain your lost citizen by electing him to be our President, ha ha, a great idea by one of our political operatives! Anyway, please come and collect him ASAP, before he completely destroys our country! Thanx!!

MAKE MONEY FA$$$$T!!!!!

SEND LONG-DISTANCE MESSAGES TO THE REST OF THE GALAXY FROM THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN PLANET!!!

THIS IS NO JOKE!!!! POTENTIAL OF UP TO $5K/WEEK!!!!!

SEND FOR YOUR FREE TRANSMISSION GUIDE TO ALL 'WATER-HOLE' FREQUENCIES TODAY!!!! (plus $999,999.95 s&h)

It's not funny any more guys. Come on and pick me up already. I miss home. Hello? Anybody there? Hello?

Greetings,

I have been requested by the Nigerian National Petroleum Company to contact you for assistance in resolving a matter..... If you are able to assist me, please deposit $100,000 in a Nigerian bank which is regulated by the Central Bank of Nigeria....

Wow, what an interesting opertunity for the public.

Greetings from Earth! If you come to see us, we'd prefer you be like the dude in Starman. But if you bring a book titled To Serve Man, we'll go all Independence Day on you. We're just saying. Klaatu barada nikto, y'all!

Are you tired of all the noise from our planet too?

Bulding a spaceship that travels 20 times the speed of light: $9999999999999
Groceries for people on the ship: $999999999999
Meeting people from another planet: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy. For the rest, there's gold

ok. ok. I got one. How's this:

A group of beings from your planet, who call themselves "leaders," say they will run things and make the planet a safe and fun place to be. So you choose them to be in charge.

Once in control, however, it becomes clear that, not only have they behaved in direct contradiction to the promises they made in order to be given their duties, but it has become clear that, in addition to holding the populace in contempt and enforcing conduct strictures which make enjoying one's time on-planet either difficult or impossible, they are robbing the productive people of all their possessions and enslaving them so they must continue producing goods for the leaders to do with as they wish.

The question is: having given these leaders power over you, how will you either remove the leaders' powers and privileges or compel them to live up to their promises and comport themselves with wisdom and honor? ...

Give up?

Yeah. Us too.

why are we so sure aliens exist?

if we spend billions of dollars on finding them, how would they know about it and invade earth?

how do we know that aliens even know earth exists?

how do we know they have the means to find us and travel to us?

this is just a waiste of time and money.

Nice to meet you. Are you new to the neighborhood, or...

alien dude, take me to your dealer.

Do Aliens get universal health care on their planet?

Are we texting in English?

If you can read this message thats good, your religious leaders will deny the existence of any aliens such as myself wich will lead to heated arguments, riots and eventually nuclear war so I dont have to bother traveling to your planet to exterminate you. Have fun