Overeating makes you overweight. I'll pause for a moment to let this mind-blowing scientific finding sink in.

In the annals of Science Confirms the Obvious, there's rarely a zinger like this one. And it's no surprise that the media's had a field day, churning out Onion-esque headlines like, well, the one above.

Investigators at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research have unequivocally demonstrated that our parents often get on our nerves -- and we on theirs. "The parent-child relationship is one of the longest-lasting social ties human beings establish," said Kira Birditt, the study's lead. "This tie is often highly positive and supportive but it also commonly includes feelings of irritation, tension and ambivalence."

At the first-ever Ironman triathlon in 1978, the 15 competitors read these instructions in the race guidelines: "Swim 2.4 miles! Bike 112 miles! Run 26.2 miles! Brag for the rest of your life!" Well, sure -- unless you die trying. A study presented Saturday at a meeting of the American College of Cardiology shows that the grueling triad of events is indeed particularly strenuous, with a risk of sudden death twice that of marathons.

Think back to your college years. Did you spend more time at the lab bench than at the bar? Was getting a date harder than organic chem? If you carried protection was it for your pocket? We thought so.

I challenge you: Name one fact you still remember from the last test for which you crammed.

Anyone? Any fact?

Trouble with instructions? You’re not alone. Researchers at the University of Michigan have confirmed that difficult-to-read instructions dissuade people from embarking on tasks, and impart a suspicion in their readers that the task at hand will be difficult. As far as I’m concerned, this is major vindication.

Whether you call it a hunch or vibes, a reckoning or a feeling in your bones, humans know the power of a nagging suspicion. Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink stands as testament to the fact that snap decisions often turn out much smarter than those following a thorough think. Now, neuroscientists say they’ve not only proven what they call “subliminal learning” scientifically, but have found the brain area involved.

A church sits across the street from one of my previous apartments in Manhattan. In the evenings, I’d see a passel of people emerge from it for a spell of sidewalk chitchat, smoking, and coffee-slurping. I didn’t need a formal investigation to realize that these were adjourned Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. But now such a study has actually been done to confirm the legendary caffeine-and-cigarette culture of AA as a whole. It’s true: Twelve-steppers aren’t saying “Easy Does It” with these lesser vices.

A team from the Harvard School of Public Health has deduced what an annual Playboy survey has been telling us for years: Partying is more common at party schools. In a review of the 14-year-long College Alcohol Study, Director Henry Wechsler and Assistant Director Toben Nelson conclude that heavy drinking among students was more common at schools with an established drinking culture, lots of liquor stores, and awesome drink specials, a condition the researchers call a “wet environment” (which, I’m assuming, may also lead to a higher prevalence of wet t-shirt contests).

Another everyday emotion has been verified by the neuroimaging technique fMRI—this time, the warm and fuzzy feeling moms get when they gaze at their smiling baby.