athletic gear

In 2007, Dwight Howard donned a Superman cape before leaping to victory in the slam dunk competition. In an attempt to defend his title this weekend (he came in second), Howard topped his own theatrics by entering a phone booth for his annual costume change. The basketball player-cum-superhero returned to the court to dunk, not in a regulation 10-foot basket, but in a 12-foot-high hoop.

While it's natural to attribute such supernatural feats to Howard's freakish physical stature -- or perhaps to the cape around his neck -- it was actually the skintight clothing beneath the cape that produced the boldest and most easily quantifiable performance enhancement. An undergarment described as, not clothing, but equipment, the Adidas Techfit Powerweb contains carefully placed strips of thermoplastic urethane that stores energy like a spring, and lets athletes release it on their villain of choice.

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When it comes to sports, Patrick Thorensen nearly redefined the term sacrifice. In successfully sliding across the ice to block a shot in a recent playoff game, the left wing for the Philadelphia Flyers came close to losing a testicle. Adding insult to the near ultimate injury, the Washington Capitals scored on a rebound while Thorensen rolled in agony (and grown men cried themselves to sleep). The 24-year old was rushed to the hospital and underwent two ultrasound tests to ensure there was no rupture.

So, while Thorensen has a dented cup to thank for his manhood, it begs the question: what more can science do to protect our cajones? A quick Google of ‘protective cups provides a range of sizes and colors available from $8 to $25, none differing greatly from the cups our fathers (and fathers' fathers?) have donned for years. With a tank of gas at $50, isnt the male population willing to splurge a bit on reproductive life insurance?